When I was thinking about the changes that I want to make this year, the work ASK came to mind. In an effort to limit embarrassment, pain or being a burden, I have made a habit of trying to come up with the answer or solution myself. Whether that is anticipating someone’s answer or just trying to do it all on my own, I realize that NOT ASKING has, more often than not, led to a more limited life. This year I want my life to expand.
I want to be more curious, more assertive, more helpful, and more open.
The best way I know I put these things into practice is to take action and ASK. Ask for help. Ask if I can help. Ask for the answer. Ask for clarification. Ask for space. Ask for what I need.
I think I’ve been afraid of looking needy or stupid. Of course there is a balance to all this asking. Be willing to give if you are asking to receive. I think what I am opening up myself to is being vulnerable. I am opening myself up to the possibility of being wrong or being refused. But the possible rewards far outweigh the few moments of discomfort.
At worst, the answer can be no. At best, I will find a new path, a new piece of knowledge, and new friend or collaborator.
So this great opportunity just recently came up to audition for this new reality TV show called The Reel Deal. It will be filming its first season this summer… and I’m kinda excited about it! It will be the first Reality TV show for ACTORS, DIRECTORS, WRITERS, and COMPOSERS who will be mentored by CELEBRITIES… to make a movie in a week!!! Pretty exciting.
The first part of the audition process is to make a 90 second personality video. I heard a producer say that everyone in the spot light should choose to be vulnerable about something. If you aren’t, the public will find something and make you vulnerable about it. The biggest thing is finding something with which people can connect. With that it mind, I chose to be vulnerable (on the scale of completely surface(1) to guts on the floor(10) I was a 5 or 6?)… pretty vulnerable. Once I posted it and entered it into the registration process(no going back now), I almost immediately regretted it and started doubting myself. I was especially disappointed when I remembered that there was more that I wanted to do with the video that I just couldn’t accomplish after hours of thought and taping. I remembered other takes where I liked how I said things better than the one now on the internet for the world to see. I watched other audition videos and was jealous over their interests, hobbies, props and editing skills. Basically, I just beat myself up over all of it… for a couple of hours.
BUT then I stopped myself. Why? Because I can see what happened. I opened up. I didn’t talk about how my favorite color is orange (sometimes) and I can weld and have lived in Prague and Madrid. I talked about how I almost quit my dream. That is scary to admit to celebrities and casting directors and producers(whom you want to impress). That is a different, kinda gutsy(or stupid!) thing to do. Now I can see that. I can name it. Truth is, I have had a few pretty vulnerable moments on this blog. If anyone cares to read them, they are here for the world to see. I am proud of those moments because those were the moments when people connected with what I was saying and said, “Me too!” What I want to say with my audition video is that I am the type of person that will go there with you … and come out the other side with renewed purpose! My hope is that people will connect with my video. If not, it was a personal exercise in putting it out there and releasing control. Thing is, that’s what we do as actors. We put ourselves out there and become vulnerable to people’s opinions and judgement. But we also become vulnerable so that people can connect with our character or story. That’s why I chose to say what I said, not just to entertain but to relate and to inspire. THAT is what I am all about!
So, here we go. This is a window into my story. Take a look!